Time Flies

One of the things I've noticed as I've gotten older is that time moves differently for me than it did when I was younger.  Years, months and days used to take a lot longer.  A lot. 

These days, the days flash by so quickly that I never seem to know what day it is.  Throw a holiday into the mix and I'm messed up for weeks.  I am lucky that I enjoy what I do, so my workdays pass quickly and pleasantly and hardly feel like work.  My weekends pass even faster than my workdays.  A busy Saturday; churching on Sunday that takes up half the day, then scrambling to finish laundry and whatever chores didn't get done on Saturday - weekend done.  Sometimes I feel like I'm just watching my time on Earth fly out the window.

I have evidence that time is going faster than usual.  A friend who had a baby and only posts bits of him (privacy) posted a full-length-from-the-back picture and he was standing up and playing!  Somewhere in my head, he's still new and keeping my friend up at night with crazy sleeping schedules.  He hasn't rolled over or sat up or crawled yet in my mind, but there he is standing up and playing at a baby table.  I've had to make an adjustment.

And this week, my own baby began taking steps away from me.  I know this is what he's supposed to do and at age 18, it would be a bad sign if he didn't.  He has a job and needs a newer car, so we went car shopping.  He's chosen one and I'm co-signing a loan so he can finance it.  HE is making the payments (and knows there will be hell to pay if he doesn't pay them and on time).  He also has been looking at apartments for one.  One we looked at was a little funky one-bedroom in a house that had been converted to apartments.  It reminded me so much of my own first apartment, but the cost was just a little too high given that a car was also being purchased.  He kept looking.  Yesterday, he called a guy who is subletting his bedroom (one of those apartments that rents by the room) and told him that he would take over the lease.  My house will be one person lighter in the near future.

I'm not sure how to feel about this.  I've spent the last 19 years growing and nurturing and teaching this person as his mother.  I know that the Mom-Job doesn't go away, it just looks different once he moves out.  I will miss knowing that he's up in his room, or that he's available to run an errand for me at the drop of a hat.  I will miss the hugs goodnight and the spontaneous conversations as he passes through the room on the way to the fridge.  He's smart and funny, and he and I get each other in a way that no one else does.  But it's time.  I know this.  He's so much like me.  At 18, I was straining at the gate, so anxious to start my life on my own - much to the dismay of my mother.  My moving out meant that she was the only female in a house FULL of guys (I have five brothers).  She was so unhappy when I left.  When my kid leaves, I won't be unhappy - I will be proud of my strong and confident boy.  But that doesn't mean that I won't miss him...  That there won't be a big hole in my house that his presence fills right now.  It's going to take a little getting used to.

Comments

  1. This, according to my daughter, is a win-win. If he succeeds, you have raised a self-sufficient young man ready to take on the world. If, for some unforeseen reason, he does not succeed, he will move home and you will have him back. So freakin' hard.

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  2. No fear he wil come back and multiplies.

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